Her Imperial Shortness, Nel Brandybuck, Empress of the Carolinas and Supreme High Ruler of Everywhere, has become increasingly alarmed at the declining state of those of her citizens residing north of the Mason-Dixon line. Moved with compassion and spurred to action by the pleading of her advisors, Her Imperial Shortness has initiated a three stage Reverse Reconstruction Program (RRP) ©. The Program shall proceed as outlined below:

Stage One

  • Rigorous “Eat Grits!” campaign
  • Complimentary sweet tea served with all meals in Northern Restaurants
  • Bluegrass bands to play the national anthem at all sporting events

Stage Two

  • School programs to educate children in the superior ways of Southerness instituted in all Northern public and private schools
  • Reverse Reconstruction Communes established in Southern states to acclimate Northerners to Southern climate and culture

Stage Three

  • Giant greenhouse built over all states north of the Mason-Dixon line to ensure that all the states of the Union experience reasonable weather year-round. ¹

¹The state of Alaska has been deemed exempt from this part of the program for logistical reasons and also because we do want to have snow sometimes.

Reverse Reconstruction Program (RRP) © 2009, Her Imperial Shortness. All Rights Reserved.